Thursday, July 16, 2015

Random Thought Thursday--the LONG WINDED and YELLING EDITION

This week has been my (and my friend's) week to host the girls in our church congregation for camp. Last year I did science camp and while it was fun, it was a TON of work. Most science experiments that are safe and fun for kids take about two seconds to actually do. So that required LOTS of experiments and lots of work and although several of the girls told me they loved that camp best, I didn't want to go through that again. So this year I asked my friend if we couldn't just pick a theme and then we could do a variety of activities--food, crafts, games, etc. I suggested Harry Potter, and it has been super fun, the girls have loved it. But......it's still a ton of work ha! Next year can we teach the girls how to take naps? Watch movies? Give their parents massages?

We went to see Inside Out with everyone. Both kids and us. First of all--pricey. But totally worth it because Grant sat through his first movie without running around! He still fidgeted a ton and we had to stop him from kicking the chair in front of him. AND....he burped really loud during the sad, quiet part (haha, I can only laugh in my utter shame and resignation), but hey, that's pretty good for him. :)

Also, who ever thought I would cry over a character in a movie named Bing Bong. Well played Pixar. Well played.

Last thoughts on Harry Potter camp--I'm exhausted and never want to clean my house again for the rest of the summer. Cleaning up after ten kids running around every other day is enough to drive me to the crazy house. Praise the heavens the camp is only every other day.

Remember how I told you last blog entry that I cleaned out my closet and had way less clothes. Three things: 1. Every day I feel like I look better because I only kept clothes that I loved 2. I have to do laundry way more often or else 3. I wear dirty clothes and look/smell worse than I did before I got rid of my ugly clothes. So....I'm calling this whole "clothes that spark joy" thing a DRAW unless you have a million dollars for new clothes.

John mows only the front lawn one week and then alternates to the back lawn the following week. My yard only looks good on one side at a time.

The heat is killing me. And it's not even close to Fall. WHYYYYY???

I hate to be one of those mom's, but is it time for school to come back yet?? Seriously...I hate moms like that. But...I need five minutes to myself to pee and eat a sandwich and think/mope and do house chores and not listen to fighting or silence and wonder what they're up to and how many cookies they are sneaking and it's too hot. If you think that was whiney, imagine you were my mother when I was 16. Yeah, I feel sorta bad for my Mom too.

Three more months until the possibility of John not being a contractor anymore and we had normal insurance for which we don't have to pay a thousand dollars every month. It seems but a distant, sparkly, glittery, fairy world. These past three months of waiting have been really hard on me, and I've tried to be all cool and mature about it, but we all know THOSE ARE NOT MY STRENGTHS. I'm doing a lot of blog yelling in this post. I need five minutes of peace and quiet my friends. And maybe I need to take up this Diet Coke fanaticism that every other mormon mom I know has succumbed to....

I limited my instagram account and deleted most of the people that live around me. I think I offended some people even though I tried to soften the blow by saying it wasn't personal. But apparently it is always personal.  Sigh. I honestly (REALLY) thought some/most people would be happy they didn't have to follow me anymore. I instagram way too much. Here are my thoughts about the subject in as few of words as I can manage:

1. I want to instagram and not worry that I'm being judged that my kid still uses a binky to sleep. I am so self conscious about that. I hate that he still uses one to sleep. But I also know that his therapists recommended it to me, and I also know the hell that was the year that he didn't have it to sleep. He was completely weaned, and it was sort of horrible to give it back to him, until he finally slept a whole night through for the first time in a YEAR. (sorry, once you start blog yelling, it feels sort of good inside). But I still feel horrible about it, because I know some people will never understand. And I know I know I know....I shouldn't care what people think. I'm not that good. So instead, I decided that the people that I don't know well enough to know if they are judging me negatively just gotta go. And you can't just delete one church lady and not the rest of them without offending.  So in order to feel more comfortable in my own skin, I had to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And it ruffled some feathers. But I feel better.

2. Lastly, I think it's better for acquaintances not to know every single thing I've been up to. It sort of jumps the gun on developing true friendships when they already know the minute details of your day-to-day life---then you have nothing to talk about in person hardly. So I'm taking back my everyday from folks that live around me for the most part. Mostly because I want to love them better.

If I never hear another argument for or against gay marriage, it will a great life. I don't like talking about politics, religion, and hurt feelings. I just want to sing kumbaya and pretend like we can all just get along. I going to start a new political party called the I Don't Want to Fight party. Our mascot will be the Ostrich sticking his head in the ground.

Lastly, if you were wondering, my latest trial in life is trying to figure out my next adventure for the coming year. I'm considering the following: buying a different house with more land, getting my master's degree, finishing my book and trying to get it published, becoming a foster parent.  I have been reading a lot of self-help, self-actualizing books, and praying. But I'm still no closer to an answer. When you can't finish the pathway that you started (having at least four kids), it lands you here--in a place you didn't anticipate arriving until you were much older--having all of your kids in school. And I want to be there for my kids, but I need something for me too. I just want to be happy. That's a doozy to leave you on. Tell me how you are.