Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Complex

Hi.

Remember me? Yeah, I hardly do either. It's been so long. Are blogs still a thing that people read? I know I do. I get sick of the two second sound bites on facebook or instagram that don't really tell me anything of substance of people's lives. I miss hearing about you folks out there. How are you? Has your summer been as hot and interesting and boring and frustrating and joyful as mine? Just another season of all the good and complex in life.

So we are moving. That was sudden, right? Ha! Oh well, if you've known me for any space of time, you're more surprised that we've stayed in one place for this long. Honestly though, I'm sort of sick inside every time someone makes a joke about how much we move. It's not fun, I'm not sure why folks think we like moving. Please, please, I pray this is the last one for at least ten years. Let the schools stay wonderful, let the mother in the family stay sane and quiet, let the father have stability in employment. Amen. That's like the St. Suburbanite Mother's prayer ha.

Anyhow, we were going to renovate the kitchen with a special type of loan, but we ended up not having time to get all the bids and plans done because the folks wanted to close so quickly on our home. So we are moving in and then figuring out if we want to get another loan in six months or if it's doable with a smaller budget. It really depends on if we need to do structural changes. I'm waiting for some kitchen designers and contractors to figure out my life for me in the next few weeks--as we also close on this house and move. And then of course comes school starting. It will be a busy few weeks, and yet I find myself with large pockets of time without much to do because there are boxes everywhere and I can't quite pack everything quite yet. Moving. Sigh. Good problems to have, I know I promise I know.

The honest truth is I'm looking forward towards my future few months with a real sense of curiosity and wonder. New house. New town (still close by, but far enough to use different grocery stores and schools and roads and church). And the biggest new of all, both kids in school. I have been thinking about this day quite a lot for the past year. I've seen it looming up in front of me--dreading and craving it all at once. I'll miss my kids. I'll love the quiet. I'll write, I'll sleep, I'll feel guilty and make myself get a job? I'll have time to make cookies and do laundry without feeling responsible for the learning or entertainment of anyone. I'll accidentally fall asleep and it will be ok!My house might stay clean! Will I get bored? Will I wish I had a baby (yes and no)? I'm so intrigued. I'm pretty sure I'll spend the first two weeks sleeping. It's been a long busy summer. I'll deserve it after the move and everything else. I can't wait. Wish John could join me. He deserves it even more than I do by a lot. I'll be sure to give him lots of breaks over weekends and someday soon we'll manage a little getaway maybe.

Life is starting over fresh. I'm happy, I'm still working through some anxiety that has been plaguing me for the past few years--but with help this time. I'm just a strange mixture of blank and full at the moment. Waiting and changing all at once. Isn't life good and hard and strange and welcome all at once?